Tag: water

Eye Swatter

Duncan 2 Comments

Humans drink many different liquids for many different reasons. We consume things like juice and soda for the sweet flavor, coffee and energy drinks to stimulate coagulated minds and we drink alcohol to excuse lewd behavior. There are also beverages which promote health, such as herbal tea and meal replacements, but there’s one fluid that reigns supreme as the undisputed liquid champion of the world: water. More specifically, water served from the tap over ice.

The advantages of ice water:

  1. Contains no chemicals, sweeteners, food coloring, etc.
  2. Doesn’t produce empty bottles or cans.
  3. Renewable supply which requires no agriculture or mining.
  4. Hydrates the body. Contains more water per litre than any other drink.
  5. Doesn’t stain or smell when spilled.
  6. Doesn’t require refrigeration.
  7. When the ice melts, the water doesn’t get watered down, or does it?
  8. Doesn’t have an expiry date.
  9. Doesn’t require stirring. When you get to the bottom of the glass, the water is just as watery as when you started.
  10. Cheapest drink you can buy.
  11. Doesn’t harm teeth or gums.
  12. Doesn’t cause heartburn or indigestion.
  13. Available in every home. Also falls from the sky.

Never again may you wonder what to drink.

Hyacinth

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A water hyacinth is an aquatic plant which floats on the surface of a lake or pond, much like a water lily. Unlike water lilies, however, the hyacinth is not rooted in the soil; it floats freely with its roots hanging several inches below the surface. The soil-less nature of the water hyacinth may seem unremarkable, but only until we explore the implications of such a trait.

Because a water hyacinth’s roots are not in the soil, the plant must receive all of its nourishment from the water in which it floats. This means that every element and nutrient required to make a reproducing, photosynthesizing plant is present in that water. In essence, a water hyacinth is made out of water.

Now let’s go over what we’ve learned about water hyacinths and the origin of babies to decipher what this implies about the genesis of humans.

  1. Babies are made out of food.
  2. Water hyacinths are made from water.
  3. Plants are made out of dirt.
  4. Animals are made out of plants, which are dirt.
  5. Humans are made from animals and plants, which are made out of dirt.
  6. Humans are made from dirt.
  7. God rested.

Shower Power

Duncan 1 Comment

Bathing is important. It keeps us feeling clean and fresh, wakes us up in the morning and purifies our bodies after a hard day’s work. In a recent survey, taking a bath ranked first among the top five most effective bodily cleaning methods, but today we’re talk about showering.

Dictionary.com defines a shower like this, “Also called shower bath. A bath in which water is sprayed on the body, usually from an overhead perforated nozzle (showerhead).”

This definition captures the raw essence of what showering is all about.

Water temperature during a shower is one of the main concerns for unincarcerated citizens and it can easily become a source of great frustration, spoiling an experience that should be full of soothing relaxation. Some prefer their showers to be refreshing and cool, others enjoy a warm and mild experience and some like it hot. Now we all love showers, but every time you shower it costs you money; heating that water ain’t free. But what if you were told that you could increase your shower temperature and save money by making one simple change to your shower experience?

Excited? Yes.

The North American Shower Society, which produced the well-received Shower Principles for a Clean Future, has great insight into the area of shower temperature. Through extensive testing they have discovered that water temperature in a shower drops dramatically once it has left the nozzle. The following graph illustrates this phenomenon.

As you can see, by the time the water reaches the shower floor it has cooled by several degrees. You can test this for yourself by crouching or sitting next time you shower or by plugging the drain; you will notice the difference in temperature. Even in the first twelve inches, significant heat loss has begun. Ideally, you would want your shoulders to be as close to the showerhead as possible; if there is any distance between the nozzle and your shoulders, you are wasting precious heat. To combat this, it is recommended that you install a small stool with a non-slip surface. If you are a taller person and your shoulders are already near the nozzle, congratulate yourself, you are already doing your part to save the planet.

Short people are ruining the Earth.