The interest rate got high by smoking a joint bank account.
Author: Duncan
Coordination
An executive has two subordinates.
Are they coordinates?
Unoriginal
Normal –> Abnormal
Original –> Aboriginal
No wonder they stole their name from India.
The Loxley
Ever heard of The Loxley?
If not, don’t fret. It’s no big deal, just the latest fad sweeping my bedroom.
In your travels you may have seen the occasional person sporting what is known as a tuque. These devices are often used to preserve heat inside the cranium, thus warming the brain. They also serve to identify with certain social groups. As a general rule, the tighter the tuque, the more angsty the group.
If you’re stuck somewhere on this graph, The Loxley can help you. The Loxley is merely an alternative way of wearing a tuque, inspired by a type of felt hat made famous by Robin Hood.
Above is a horrible drawing of a typical Robin Hood hat.
…It’s a feather.
So if we take the concept of Robin’s cap and apply it to a tuque, we get:
There are many claims that when people morph their tuque into The Loxley they feel more confident, more intelligent and more like a 15th century English thief. There are even rumors that The Loxley strengthens the immune system and improves sexual performance. Try it, you won’t regret it.
The Loxley – it’s gonna be big.
Anaranjado
An orange is comprised of a crust of soft skin,
masking a sphere of treasure within.
Inside the sphere, ten segments sealed,
and what’s in the segments, once they are peeled?
Tiny clear pouches, ready to burst,
brimming with juices, quenching our thirst.
Driver Steve
Imagine you are driving to work one day. When stopped at an intersection you turn to the right and take notice the driver. He appears pretty average, except that he is reading a book and eating a sandwich. Instead of becoming enraged at his stupidity, you imagine what is going through his mind when he pulled his book from the glove compartment and the sandwich from the brown paper bag.
“Red light, green light, same old, same old. Driving sure is boring.”
“…Steve, you genius.”
(Steve opens the glove compartment and reaches for a dilapidated copy of My Life as Crocodile Junk Food).
“Why has no one has thought of this? I mean, I always see people driving and they look bored as heck. Why don’t they just read a book!?”
Several pages into the book, Steve’s stomach rumbles.
“Oh man… Oh man, oh man! I could eat too!”
Steve reaches for the sandwich, the smirk on his face revealing his intense self-satisfaction.
“I’ve got to tell the guys about this, they won’t believe how smart I am.”
When you’re driving around town and decide to text a friend or apply make-up, you are not being a genius. There is a reason why you don’t see everybody doing these things while driving, and it’s not because they haven’t thought of it. Everyone knows that it’s possible to do these things while driving, but they also know that it’s demented and dangerous.
Next time you have a brilliant idea that seems really obvious, ask yourself the question, “Is there a reason why people don’t do this?”
Sanitation Triangle
If you’ve eaten out recently and used the washroom, then you know that each washroom’s sanitation equipment combination (SEC) is unique. Sometimes you have a touchless tap, but a hand-powered soap dispenser. Sometimes you will be delighted by an automated soap dispenser, but frustrated by a paleolithic paper towel unit. This variety of SECs is not only confusing and horribly inconsistent, it is also unsanitary.
Bathrooms at businesses rarely contain all three points of the sanitation triangle – a structure that is only complete when the dispensation of soap, water and paper towel do not require physical contact. If any one of these is not present, then the triangle collapses, rendering the entire cleansing procedure unsanitary.
Oh well, everyone touches the door on the way out anyway.
Barbaria
Are barbarians from Barbados?
Shower Power
Bathing is important. It keeps us feeling clean and fresh, wakes us up in the morning and purifies our bodies after a hard day’s work. In a recent survey, taking a bath ranked first among the top five most effective bodily cleaning methods, but today we’re talk about showering.
Dictionary.com defines a shower like this, “Also called shower bath. A bath in which water is sprayed on the body, usually from an overhead perforated nozzle (showerhead).”
This definition captures the raw essence of what showering is all about.
Water temperature during a shower is one of the main concerns for unincarcerated citizens and it can easily become a source of great frustration, spoiling an experience that should be full of soothing relaxation. Some prefer their showers to be refreshing and cool, others enjoy a warm and mild experience and some like it hot. Now we all love showers, but every time you shower it costs you money; heating that water ain’t free. But what if you were told that you could increase your shower temperature and save money by making one simple change to your shower experience?
Excited? Yes.
The North American Shower Society, which produced the well-received Shower Principles for a Clean Future, has great insight into the area of shower temperature. Through extensive testing they have discovered that water temperature in a shower drops dramatically once it has left the nozzle. The following graph illustrates this phenomenon.
As you can see, by the time the water reaches the shower floor it has cooled by several degrees. You can test this for yourself by crouching or sitting next time you shower or by plugging the drain; you will notice the difference in temperature. Even in the first twelve inches, significant heat loss has begun. Ideally, you would want your shoulders to be as close to the showerhead as possible; if there is any distance between the nozzle and your shoulders, you are wasting precious heat. To combat this, it is recommended that you install a small stool with a non-slip surface. If you are a taller person and your shoulders are already near the nozzle, congratulate yourself, you are already doing your part to save the planet.
Short people are ruining the Earth.