One of the worst inventions in recent years has to be the Segway, a personal transportation device which uses gyrostabilizers and an electric motor to whisk pedestrians up and down the town. Besides the fact that the Segway accomplishes nothing that a bicycle or scooter cannot, no one in their right mind would spend upward of $5,000 for such gimmicky apparatus. In an age saturated with laziness and brimming with obeisity, people do not need another means to avoid physical activity. That is why many companies are now turning to HP (human-powered) technology in favor of electric devices. One of these devices is especially interesting, as it combines the health benefits of a treadmill workout with the modern sophistication of a Segway.

Now the future is one step closer, introducing the Eco-Track:

Take all the joy and satisfaction of physical exertion and put it together with hip, new-age technology and you get the Eco-Track. Who wouldn’t want to be seen moving down the street by the power of their own legs on this snazzy gadget?

The Eco-Track uses an electric motor, powered by a battery which stores the energy generated from the track; so simple, it’s brilliant. The speed of the Eco-Track ranges from a comfortable walk to a brisk jog, depending on what the rider prefers. If you want to increase the speed, simply walk faster and if you want to stop, just stand still.

Obviously, this invention is a forgery intended to point out the inherent stupidity of having a machine walk for you. Instead of inventing contraptions which separate physical activity from transportation, we should be seeking to unite them. We can start by taking things away from people and forcing them to use their bodies. No more Segways, no more forklifts, no more Zero-Point Energy Field Manipulators and no more crutches.

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